


Victimised

by RaichuWrites



Category: Auto-biographical, Memoir - Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Because I felt like baring my soul a little tonight, Boarding School, Bullying, Former Uni Class Assignment, High School, Memoir, Original Non-Fiction, Other, Primary School, School
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-03 13:04:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13341822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaichuWrites/pseuds/RaichuWrites
Summary: All she ever wanted in her life was a friend she knew would be there with her for life. Someone who would watch her back and make her laugh when she felt like crying.Sadly, life wasn't always that simple.





	Victimised

**Author's Note:**

> Another university class assignment of mine, this was (for me) the most confronting piece I wrote that year, after choosing my topic. If I'm being honest, my entire 23 and-a-half years of life haven't been all that exciting. That and, honestly, at the time I preferred writing about the ghosts of my past rather than write about how I was (at the time) still muddling out the fact that yes, I was depressed and anxious and wanted to crawl under a rock very far away from other people and never come out again.
> 
> I also refer to them here as 'ghosts' because of the simple fact that I haven't seen nor heard of these people since I transitioned through the stages of schooling where I encountered them initially.
> 
> Anyway, this is also being put out there in the hope that other young girls (like me) will see this and read this and realise that they're not alone, and that it's alright to cry and be afraid and tell somebody what's going on. To be honest, it's still hard for me to do that, but it's gradually becoming easier to do.

Victimised – My Experience With School Ground Bullies

By rachaelmaree894

 

(2000-2003 Grades One-Four)

"Let me borrow that toy of yours for a sleepover or I won't be your friend anymore." I reluctantly hand over one of the treasured toys I'd brought to school that day to play with. After all, I didn’t want the only friend I had to stop being friends with me over a toy.

*

(2006 – Grade Seven)

I came home for weeks on end during Grade Seven, telling my Mum about the verbal threats I had been receiving from one of the girls who sat with my friends and I during lunch breaks at school. It got to the point where my Mum sent the school principal an email, requesting that he do something to fix this problem. One day, my bully is pulled out of class, and I am called to the principal’s office not long after my bully has left. I walk into the principal’s office when called, take a seat, and wait for somebody to speak.

"Now young lady, have you been threatening Rachael?" The principal raised an eyebrow as he eyed the girl who had been bullying me for weeks on end.

"No, sir. I haven't been saying anything like that to her at all." As the principal turned his gaze to me, the other girl looked smugly on from her seat.

"Rachael, you should stop lying about this. It's quite a serious accusation to be making." I nod forlornly. The principal dismissed us. The girl grabbed me as soon as we were out of sight of any teachers.

"If you tell on me again I'll bash your fucking head in." She hissed at me, before she released me and stomped ahead to the classroom as I lingered, rubbing the tender wrist she'd snatched up; wondered why my Mum believed me, but the Principal didn’t.

*

(2006 – Grade Seven)

"Where's my esky?" No answer. "I'm not laughing you guys; where is it?" The circle of girls started tittering with laughter as my bully glowered at me from the opposite side of the circle. I spotted my esky hidden around the corner of the building we sat near. "You can all get stuffed!" I walked away around the corner of the school office to sit by myself, very much aware of the girls I called my friends still laughing behind me.

I sat down by myself, feeling betrayed and alone. One of the popular girls approached me.

"Come have lunch with us today, Rachael." She smiled as she grabbed my hand and led me to where her friends were sitting. "Rachael's eating with us today."

They all welcomed me, made me laugh, and the bully from my group hiding my esky, my friends laughter - is forgotten for a brief moment in time.

*

(2009 – Year Ten)

"Hey, can I borrow your phone? I puklocked my SIM and need to text my boyfriend." I said no, I didn’t want a complete stranger texting or calling me. Asked how the hell she puklocked her phone in the first place. “I got the PIN wrong three times in a row and can’t get it fixed until my Mum comes up to town.” The girl begged and pleaded until I gave in and tossed my phone toward her.

Over the next couple of weeks, her boyfriend (a boy I had never even met and knew absolutely nothing about) began to flirt with me, going as far as to suggest that we could start dating once he broke up with his current girlfriend (and they were on the verge of breaking up before all of this started).

The girl came back after a weekend away. Demanded to see my text messages. Only looked at my inbox and didn't read the messages I sent to her boyfriend stating that I wouldn't date him for the very reasons I mentioned above - that I didn't know him and had only met him over the phone. She glared, threw my phone back at me, stormed out of my room.

The next day, I'm a "boyfriend thief", and that night the girl kicked at the wall separating our cubicles during prep time (homework hour) to annoy me in the hopes that I won't be able to get any work done. She stopped when I told the passing dorm mistress.

That same year I had made friends with a year eight border who was put on my "family table"; these are our set tables for the entire year. I remember an afternoon during lunch hour when this girl had printed off pictures of cartoon characters for an assignment. One of these pictures was of Sailor Moon and the Sailor Scouts. I should have thought it weird when she pointed to each character, called them as 'Lesbian Cheerleader', 'Lesbian Actress', so on and so forth across the picture. When she was done, she laughed, and asked me if I agreed. When I didn't laugh, she stopped laughing and walked away. I shared a look with my closest friend who was in the same grade as this girl.

Halfway through that year, I gradually saw less and less of my year eight friend, and began to wonder why. I defended my friend one afternoon when the girl called her a lesbian vampire (my friend was pale, and the teeth which sat in front of her canines stuck out oddly, hence vampire), and said that I was her lesbian lover.

By the time most of my friends are away on the school's French Immersion overseas trip to France for six weeks, I've hardly seen my year eight friend at all, but managed to find her one morning before school. When I demanded to know why she hadn't been around as much, she turned to me, a look of frustration in her eyes.

"She's on the war path, Rachael! She's been going around the school telling everyone you're a lesbian and that you're convincing your friends to be lesbians as well. She's been forcing me to avoid you because according to her it'll cure my lesbian tendencies if I stay away from you!" My friend walked off. I sat down on the concrete steps, nothing less than shocked. All I had done was try to make friends with this girl, I had been nothing but nice to her, since she felt like she was all alone in the boarding house and was even being bullied by two of the girls on our family table. Instead of repaying me with kindness, this girl decided to spread a rumour about me and force one of my closest friends to avoid me, all while the rest of my friends weren't even in the country and so had no idea whatever that this was going on. 

I decided that the only way to fix this was to take it to the teachers, so I went straight to the head teacher of my sporting house, and told her what was going on. Once I finished my explanation, my sense of shock must have worn off, because I began to cry, right then and there in my Head of House's office. 

Once again I felt utterly alone. 

My head of house gave me a hug, passed me a box of tissues, and told me point blank that she would speak to the girl and put a stop to the rumours, and that she would also make sure that the girl stopped forcing my friend to avoid me.

It took a couple of days but by the end of the week my friend was back in the library during lunch breaks and things seemed back to normal.

That girl left my high school the next year, and I thought she was gone from my life forever.

*

(2011 – Year Twelve)

That seemed, however, to be nothing more than wishful thinking.

She returned to my life during my senior year, as the girlfriend of the boy who was supposed to be my formal partner. They started dating officially two weeks before my formal. Things had seemed fine when we walked down to a local tux rental place to get him fitted.

Two nights before my formal, he rang me. Told me that the car he had organised for us to go in had broken down. That he didn't have any money to pay to rent his tux. That she had called him and threatened to break up with him if he danced with me or was in a picture together with me. Told me that he had to pull the plug and couldn't go anymore; he didn't want his girlfriend to break up with him.

I rang my parents in tears. Mum rang her brother. My cousin didn't want to be my formal partner; according to his mother he was going through a phase where he only wanted to hang out with his friends. One of the girls in my grade in the boarding house offered to ring one of her friends, who I was in army cadets with, to see if he could be my formal partner instead. They had a senior dinner that night so he couldn't stand in as my partner. I thanked the girl for ringing him and asking him.

I told my friends at school the next day. It was my close friend two years behind me who thought to ask a girl I went to primary school with (her family is from my hometown) if she would ask her brother (who is my age) if he would stand in as my formal partner.

He said yes.

He rang me that night to get the information from me, and his Mum asked what colour my dress was. She had him ready in less than 48 hours to attend my formal with me.

*

(In Closing)

In my experience, bullies have come in all shapes and forms, but I have not had a single bully throughout my schooling experiences, who was male. While my memory is the farthest thing from infallible, I do remember that much. My bullies were all girls, and bullied me for reasons I still don’t understand entirely. Whether out of jealousy, or ignorance, or rage; I had no idea, and still have only half an idea why now. 

I am glad for one thing which came out of these experiences though, and that was that I knew that there were people in my life who would listen to me when I told them that something was wrong and I didn’t know how to fix it. 

I may have been bullied, but I was heard; for that I will be forever grateful.

**Author's Note:**

> Just in case you were wondering, my close friend two years behind me?
> 
> At the time I originally wrote this, we were barely on speaking terms. That incident was entirely my fault and due partially to an unnoticed peak in my depressive state. Since that time, we're back to the way things were before that incident, and I can honestly say that I am beyond glad to have my rock back. Because that's what she has been and I hope will continue to be for me (considering we've known each other for over a decade now, I hope it continues to be the case anyway...)
> 
> I also asked for her permission before writing her into this piece, vague though it is. But that was the point, and continues to be the point behind the vast majority of written memoirs and auto-biographies. To protect the identities of both your family, friends, and even the people who wronged you in the past. 
> 
> While these people continue to be 'ghosts' in my life, I felt at the time I wrote this originally that this was also both a way of gaining closure about that aspect of my school life, and puzzling out my own issues at the same time. I am grateful I had these experiences. I'm also grateful that I've since realised what was going on with myself and now know better how to combat the overwhelming feelings I experience.
> 
> It's for that reason that I continue to love the written word. Words are so powerful. SO powerful. They can move people to anger, tears, or happiness with a single sentence. There are many people who've made me feel these things reading their work, and I hope I can inspire the same in others one day. 
> 
> To the girls like me (and everyone else too!) - you are so much stronger than their words. Their words can batter and bruise you, but it WILL be okay in the end. You'll come through the roller coaster and feel all the stronger for it. When you feel as low as you can be, the only place left to go from there is up, as someone famous once said. Keep fighting and believing in yourself. You are loved and you're definitely not alone <3


End file.
